Death as Part of a Job

When a patient dies, they say its his time already, or his prognosis is so dire that no immediate treatment can save him; or it's just the way of life.

I'd like to think that way but I can't because this is someone else's dad, grand dad or spouse. I wish I can let it go and say that I did my best but there's still that pressure in my gut that somehow eats me up inside. And then you start to ponder, did i do everything that I could? Like all of it?

I know some will say it is part of my job and that I should get used to it already because when you think about it, I work in a medical field and that this should be just a routine already. But I can't and I won't be that person because If I become that person then I might as well lose my soul. Death can never be just an ordinary thing for me because death, the concept of it just portrays sadness to me. Imagine if it was someone you love, will you think of it as still part of the job/life? I would go hysterical! It's like drilling a part of your heart and leaving that hole empty because you know that no one can ever replace that person in your life.

This job has a happy side and a sad side. This is the downside of it. As they say, if you are a nurse, you have to prepare for sweat, tears and blood. This is the tears part of it. So then I asked myself, how do I go about with my future now?

Truth is I don't know yet. All I can think of is that I will carry it as a part of me. A reminder that every life is precious and that I should do the best that I can to try and retain, save and keep them. Every single soul of my patients, regardless of age, sex or diagnoses. You do the best you can because in the end, if you don't, the biggest enemy you'd face is your conscience.