I envy people who have many friends, how they open up to a complete stranger and then after a laugh or two they became friends who talk, meet and do stuff together. See, I am not like that, I am a big coward and I prefer to be alone at times. I know people who knows me probably will know just a certain part of me.
Why?
I do not really know why. Frankly the simplest reason I can give you is that from experience, people will only leave you, change or ignore you. What's the point of investing feelings and foundation of friendship when at a certain point they will end up leaving anyways? You see in this way it will hurt less. In this way, I would not get used to being dependent on that person, I won't miss that person or even get sad if they leave.
Is it lonely?
Sure at times but in the long run it benefits me coz you see, I'm quite a sentimental, loyal and clingly individual. I'm a type of friend who sometimes love thier friends more than my self that's why I need to sometimes back off and have walls.
Ah poor old me, so full of shitty complications.
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