Is there a better way to forget

I dreamt about you again. Sigh. Your sweet face and lovely smile, my weakness and my happiness. I thought I have forgotten you and yet who am I kidding, my subconscious mind is relentlessly  reminding me of how I long to be with you. It is like somehow the universe is conspiring to tell me I cannot forget about how much I like you. Here am I thinking I was doing okay already. I have to stop. Is there a better way to forget you?

 

You are special

There's a link, an invincible thread that binds us both together. There's a certain gravitational pull that just keeps me thinking about you, spending time with you and being with you. It's like in the moment my mind wanders, it is wondering about you.

It is like you are my mind's sanctuary against all the austerity of the world. And that just the mere fact that I know you are there is a comfort to my chaotic mind.

There are certain things in life we cannot explain or give meaning to because the moment we try to rationalize, it loses its own individual special meaning.

So what are we? What am I to you. All I can say is you are special and you are always here in my heart. Regardless of what I say or do. Remember that because when I extrapolate everything, it always sums up to the love I have for you.

Get a life and not ruin others

I saw her a couple of days ago. It is like my spidey senses were telling me she would be there. I saw her in the movie theater and a sudden jolt of anger made me so jittery. I wanted to come at her and scream at her, tell her nasty things or maybe hurt her. Ahh, what pleasant thoughts I was having at that time. To be in the same place with someone who ruined your relationship, your life and your happiness in a certain period of time, is such an agonizing feeling. What is harder is to walk away and not do anything or act on your anger.

I walked away but in my mind I have a different sinister scenario. I am still mad at her, heck I do not think I would ever stand to see her in standing in front of me. To throw away friendship and justify your selfish impulses to hurt someone else, you do not deserve to be part of my life. So get a life and not ruin others.

Eulogy

Shoppers Drugmart. This where my life begun and where I met the first few people I cherish and trust. One of which is Ate Karen. We say our casual hellos and chats when we were at work but I got to know her more during our break times, we would talk and she will give me some of her wonderful home cooked meals. She was a type of person you can easily get a long with and be at ease with as she had a radiant pure soul that you never see nowadays. Never have I heard her say bad things to others or be negative. She always see light when others see darkness. She exemplifies what your achievements are and she would even be more proud of you or your family for what you have achieved. I got to meet her family and that even deepened by admiration for her as she was raising 3 kids along with her husband and working 2-3 jobs sometimes. Regardless of her busy schedules, she still try to help out with her friends like looking after one of friend's kid while she is at home.

When the news broke that she had breast cancer, we were all sad for her but instead of seeing a grim face whenever we visited her either to their house or the hospital, she always had a smile on her face as she was more thankful that someone has visited her. You will always hear her say, "thank you for visiting me". Even when talking about her cancer, she always remained optimistic about treatment and so as with her fate. She always say, "do not question God's plan as there's always a good reason for it". She accepted death and even embraced the possibility of it already; despite this, she always expressed her concern about her family of course as she had a younger child roughly 4 yrs old at the time that she was diagnosed. She was the rock of the family and she remained to be their rock despite the fact the she already had cancer at that time.

She took a turn for the worst December 2014 as we heard the news that her cancer has spread already. She spent her Christmas at the hospital and at home on New Years. Then come January, the doctors have given up as the cancer has spread more and they could not do anything about it. She was on oxygen and Pleurx drain at that time already but she can still walk, have much energy and converse with us. She had one last wish and that was to go home to the Philippines and see her mom. The doctors gave her a green light and she was all excited to go home, talking about seeing the beach and seeing her loved ones. However, her health gradually deteriorated and we noticed that she does not have much of an energy as she had prior. She couldn't walk as her legs was giving away and she spent most of the time sleeping. During night time, her family told us that she was up most of the time and when she was awake, she did not want to be alone or if someone was there and they were sleeping, she would wake them up. On the night before she was to go home to the Philippines, her body, all of a sudden became very weak. She was delirious and most of the time she thought she was in the plane already heading to the Philippines and would ask every now and then if they were there already. She was able to say goodbye to her husband and 3 kids.She asked their eldest two children to take care of their dad and youngest sibling. The morning that they were supposed go to the airport, she passed away and at 6pm when their plane should have left for the Philippines, her body was taken away at that time instead from their house.

I was there that day when her body lay peacefully on her bed, she had the rosary in her hands and her face was so tranquil. It hurts for everyone that knew her as she was a very good person but I also knew she is no longer suffering and that gave me a bit of relief, to know that she was not in pain anymore and she is with our Lord Jesus Christ already.

Once in awhile, you will meet someone in your life that would change you forever. They see everything and everyone differently that you can never really stop admiring them. I just want you to know that you are the bravest and strongest person I have ever known and I am so blessed that I was your friend. You have touched so many lives and we are all connected by the thread of your kindness and memories shared together. Rest in peace my dear friend. Your physical body may not be here with us anymore but you are always and forever will be in our hearts.

We have taken for granted many things in life and complain about every small things that do not go our way. We neglect to be happy and be content about what we have. Even the mere fact that we are alive, well and have each other. Live everyday like it is your last and make it count.

I am here for you, always & forever

Man is hard wired to trouble shoot and find answers all the time, it's human nature. That's why when we cannot fix something or explain an idea rationally, it creates chaos in our inner self. I cannot fix you my dear friend but I am here. I cannot take away your fears but you can take my hand so you won't feel alone. I cannot take away the sadness but I can wipe the tears from your eyes. I cannot take away the longing you feel to live but I can take your memories and live everyday like you are here beside me. I can offer you prayers and support for you love ones. I may not say this out loud but I hope my mere presence says it all.